


The Nut Fic

by Cougar88



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Blowjobs, Crack, Light BDSM, M/M, Phanfiction, Possible non-con, Revenge Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 23:02:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15592713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cougar88/pseuds/Cougar88
Summary: Dan teaches Phil never to eat his Crunchy Nut again.





	The Nut Fic

**Author's Note:**

> My only statement is there is a possible tw of mild non-con smut. But remember, Dan's plan is not only revenge. He's hoping for a smutty reaction from Phil.

“What the hell is a nut canon?!?!” Dan nearly chokes as they’re recording for Dan and Phil Games.  It takes about a second for Dan’s wheels to start turning as Phil talks about nuts being fired into his mouth.  Phil’s food fetish sparks an idea, and Dan can’t wait to get started – behind closed doors, of course.

Dan takes every available opportunity to carry out his plan.  He’s determined to put a stop to Phil eating his Crunchy Nut, for fuck sake!  Why can’t Phil ever eat his own damn cereal?!  But no matter what Dan says or does, it doesn’t work, and Phil is always sneaking Dan’s favorite cereal in the middle of the night.  It’s worse since they’ve been stateside.  Dan only brought three boxes, and there’s no Crunchy Nut on American shelves. 

It’s when they’re in Cincinnati that Phil notices Dan taking frequent breaks, disappearing to God knows where for 10, sometimes 30 minutes.  _What the hell is he up to?_

“Dan.  Why are you all sweaty?” Phil asks when Dan returns from down the hall from their dressing room.  “Had a nasty shit.  Hurts” Dan’s voice is shaky.  Phil is skeptical.  He wonders if Dan is sick and puts a concerned hand to his forehead.  Nothing.  Just sweat.  Their makeup person appears from nowhere for touchups.  “No need.  I’m fine” Dan swats her hand away.

“Dan!” Phil hisses.  “That was rude.  Honestly, what’s your problem tonight?” Phil drills his best friend.  “Nothing.  Just tired” Dan bites back.  He’s had it, to be quite honest.  Between Phil constantly shifting in his overhead bunk and the cereal, Dan is just done – like dinner.  Speaking of food, every time Dan isn’t looking, Phil is buying packages of marshmallows whenever they’re stopped for gas.  It’s getting ridiculous.

“Is that necessary?” Dan rolls his eyes when they’re stopped in St. Louis. “Yes!  I need my marshmallows” Phil pouts.  “Whatever” Dan scoffs, grabbing a bag of miniature marshmallows for his plan.  “Dan.  I thought you didn’t like marshmallows?” Phil cocks an eyebrow.  “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t” Dan puts a hand on his hip in a mocking manner.  “Maybe I plan to eat them in the middle of the night like you’ve been eating my fucking Crunchy Nut” he continues.  Phil blushes deep crimson, and immediately shuts up.  _Guilty!_

After their meetup, Dan disappears again, and Phil is starting to freak out.  Does Dan have a problem that Phil doesn’t know about?  Diarrhea maybe?  Phil has felt funny since they ate that pizza in Chicago.  Maybe it’s finally catching up with Dan.  Ugh!  They need to be more careful about their food choices.  Speaking of food, Phil takes the opportunity to take a few hands full of Dan’s Crunchy Nut before he returns from wherever the hell he is.

Finally, an hour before they’re supposed to hit the stage, Dan shows up all sweaty again, but Phil doesn’t question it.  Dan is clearly in a mind-set, and they just need to get through this show.  “Makeup is here, Dan” Phil doesn’t even look at her suspicious expression as she starts his makeup first.  Dan’s sweat needs to be dealt with before she attempts makeup.  And what is that smell?  _EW!  Get a shower, Dan_.

The show goes off without a hitch, and Dan is sprinting for the bathroom again at midnight, taking his backpack with him.  _Oh no.  Dan CAN’T be sick!_   They have a five-day run, starting with Cleveland.  As he gets the finishing touches on his nose, he silently prays that one day is enough for Dan to recover from whatever is going on.

As they’re wandering about at Cleveland’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Dan disappears into the bathroom with his backpack yet again.  This time for a solid 45 minutes.  Phil is worried sick at this point, and vows to call a doctor if Dan isn’t better by the time they reach Columbus.  “I wouldn’t worry too much” Marianne says as she’s purchasing a shirt.  “It’s probably just his anxiety or something again.  He’ll be okay.”  Phil thinks about it for a minute.  _She's probably right_.

That night, it’s Phil’s turn to shoot Dan, and his marksmanship has improved.  All three shots hit Dan square in the crotch, and Dan nearly faints.  But he somehow lives, and they get through the show without so much as a hiccup.  Phil doesn’t understand how Dan is holding it together.  Whatever is going on must be wiping him out.

By the time they reach Columbus, Dan looks absolutely spent, and Phil is ready to mention getting a doctor – until Dan walks in on Phil with his phone in hand.  “Phil.  I’m fine.  Really.  Just give it a rest.  It’s nothing to worry about.  I promise” Dan urges.  For good measure, he throws in a smirk.  That’s the Dan that Phil knows, and Phil finally gives up.  “Okay.”

After intermission, Phil notices something off about Dan.  His demeanor has changed, and he’s … hard?  _What the hell?  Nah!_   Phil chalks it up to exhaustion and imagination.  Why would Dan have an erection on stage, of all places?  But maybe it’s not his imagination.  The crowd is insane, and the decibels could literally blow the roof off the venue.  What the fuck, Dan?  Phil throws him a questioning glance.

“I’ve got to piss!” Dan hisses back at Phil as they’re exiting the stage for the night.  _A piss hard-on at night?_   Phil shakes his head and leaves Dan to it.  _But why does he always need that stupid backpack whenever he goes?  And why is there a lock on the zip?_   It’s not like Dan to keep secrets from Phil, and it’s quite bothersome.

Dan is relatively quiet the next couple of days, and Phil is worried he’s going into existential crisis mode, which would be the worst possible scenario.  He’d rather Dan have a virus or something.  There are no doctors to prescribe medicine if he slips back into that deep depression, and his leftover prescription is back home in London. 

Things take a turn immediately after Atlanta, and Dan seems to be back to normal.  _Maybe it was a virus after all?_ _But that still doesn’t explain the backpack._   Phil hates to even think it of his best friend, but what if Dan has a completely different problem, like drugs or alcohol?  But where would he even get anything?  And WHY?!  Phil’s imagination runs wild, and it makes him ill.  He barely eats because he’s so worried about Dan.

They’re sat close one morning as the bus heads to Phoenix.  As they’re going over fan submissions, Phil chances a sniff to see if he could smell anything like smoke, or maybe alcohol.  Nothing. 

“Dan” Phil carefully chooses his words.  “Is everything okay?  You seem a bit out of sorts the last few days.”  Dan smiles fondly at Phil.  “I’m fine.  Really.” Dan bumps shoulders with Phil.  He needs to keep up normal appearances if he’s going to pull off his plan.  “Don’t worry, Phil.  I’m sure a good night of rest at the hotel will do wonders.  This is a long tour, and I’m honestly looking forward to getting back to our regular routine … and our own food” Dan smiles again.

Phil really is clueless - just the way Dan wants it.  Phil is in for a real treat …

When they reach the hotel, Dan suggests they go out for some drinks.  They haven’t been able to let their hair down for a few weeks.  Dan needs to get Phil drunk … step 2 of his devious revenge plot.  Phil is surprisingly in agreement with drinking.  But Phil simply thinks it’s Dan’s way of letting off some steam, and that whatever is going on will pass.  Quite frankly, he’s sick of Dan disappearing all the time.

When they return, Phil is absolutely zonked, and all he wants is his pillow.  He’s a blubbering mess as Dan deposits him into his own bed.  “Honestly.  Couldn’t you have at least walked?  You weigh a ton when you’re drunk” Dan complains.  But the time has come, and he just needs to set an alarm.  Especially if he’s going to have any Crunchy Nut before Phil gets to it.  There’s enough for two bowls, and Dan isn’t too pleased about it.

Luck is on Dan’s side, and Phil is still snoring when the alarm buzzes under Dan’s pillow.  He peers over at Phil’s bed with a devious smile.  It’s only 7:00.  Plenty of time for a quick shower before he calls for room service.  He looks forward to a good breakfast … and Phil’s reaction.

Just in case, Dan takes his backpack with him into the bathroom, and locks the door.  He removes the combination lock from the zip and pulls out a small jar that has been chilling on hard ice packs.  “How y’all holding up?” he lovingly pats it as he turns it around a few times.  All seems to be in order, and Dan proceeds with his shower with a shit eating grin.  He has no remorse for what he’s about to do.

Thankfully Phil doesn’t stir when room service shows up.  Perfect. 

“Dan?” Phil opens an eye, quickly squeezing it shut again.  The curtains are wide open, and Phil isn’t quite ready for any light yet.  He knows it’s probably well past time to get up.   His head is a mess from last night’s drinking, and he desperately wants coffee and cereal.  He can hear Dan moving about, and briefly wonders if he’s into his backpack.  He’s too hungover to care, though.

“Did you order?” Phil asks, rubbing the sleep from his bloodshot eyes.  “Yeah” Dan’s voice is tight with anticipation, but Phil takes no notice.  He’s just concerned about coffee and whatever Dan ordered.  He’s hoping for pancakes, but what awaits him brings a smile to his face.  “Awww!  Is that the last bit of Crunchy Nut?” Phil’s eyebrows nearly disappear as his face lights up with affection toward Dan.  Dan simply sips his coffee, and nods, smiling behind his cup.  “All yours” Dan says.

“Have you eaten yet?” Phil pours fresh milk into his cereal.  “Yeah.  Sorry.  My stomach woke me up early.  I hope you don’t mind?” Dan sips more of his coffee as he watches Phil, praying he doesn’t notice how viscous the ‘milk’ is.  “Marshmallows for you, sir” Dan pulls his bag of miniature marshmallows from the backpack.  “OH!” Phil exclaims excitedly.  “Those are for me?  You shouldn’t have!” Phil’s heart skips a few beats.  His Dan is back, and everything is okay after all.

“Oh, but yes, I should” Dan smiles as Phil rips open the bag of mini marshmallows.  They’re all different colors of pastel, and Phil can taste them already.  “Thanks, Dan.  You sure do know the way to a man’s heart” Phil coos, practically dumping half of the bag on top of his last bowl of Crunchy Nut.  “Bottoms up, yeah?” Phil raises the bowl and takes a hearty bite.

Dan’s stomach twists after Phil takes his fourth bite with enthusiasm.  _Does he not realize?  Or is he really that greedy?_

“So, how did you sleep?” Phil asks Dan in between bites.  Dan is astonished.  “Like a baby” Dan grins, pouring himself another cup of coffee – patiently waiting.  “How’s that cereal?” he asks Phil, who is down to the last few bites.  “Delicious!  Especially with the marshmallows” he slurps at the milk and pauses.  “I think maybe the milk is sour or something?” Phil peers into the bowl, looks up at Dan, who is grinning like the Cheshire cat, returns his eyes to the bowl, and gives the milk a curious stir … sniffing.

As if in slow motion, memories of Dan’s frequent bathroom breaks start bouncing around in Phil’s brain, reminding him of Dan’s erection on stage.  All the sweating.  The secret backpack with a lock.  The last bowl of Crunchy Nut.  “Did you order almond milk?” Phil asks.  His voice sounds foreign and his stomach twists when he sees Dan sporting wood again.  “Nope” Dan answers coolly, squirming to adjust himself.  He’s sick that this is turning him on, but he doesn’t care.  Phil’s current expression is worth it.

“Then what the hell is wrong … “ Phil chokes on his words, and sprints to the bathroom.  His stomach heaves.  Everything he just consumed is now in the toilet, and he is fuming with rage.  “How could you?!” he shouts at Dan, who is stock still, quietly waiting for Phil to return from his retch fest.  _That’ll teach him_ , Dan thinks.  Phil vows to never eat cereal again, and plots immediate revenge on Dan.

Once Phil’s stomach calms, he quickly palms himself, coaxing an erection before returning to face Dan.  “You’re going to pay for that” Phil growls as he approaches his traitorous best friend.  “That is by far the lowest” he starts, but Dan cuts him off.  “Maybe you won’t eat any more of my Crunchy Nut, yeah?” Dan shouts, but quickly shuts it when he notices Phil’s boner.  _OH, FUCK!_

“Here I thought you were sick.  I was really worried, you disgusting asshole.  But maybe you are sick, and you need a dose of your own medicine” Phil moves in on Dan, knocking him backwards on the bed when he pounces with a belt in hand.  “Turn over” Phil grunts when his cock bounces against Dan’s clothed ass.  Dan quietly berates himself when he accidentally lets a moan slip out. 

Once Dan’s hands are belted tightly together, Phil roughly flips him back over so that he’s face up.  “Phil, please” Dan’s voice is tight with evident arousal.  “You … are … NOT … allowed … any … pleasure” Phil grunts as he works his pajama pants off, which isn’t easy, as he’s still pinning Dan’s legs.  “Open your mouth” Phil orders as he scoots up toward Dan’s face.  Dan moans loudly when Phil’s bare cock brushes his clothed erection.

“Fuck!” Dan yelps when Phil scoots backwards and sits on his erection.  It’s painful, but Phil is determined to deny Dan any pleasure.  The only thing on his mind is returning Dan’s foul favor.  But before long, Dan is craning his neck, attempting to suck Phil’s cock.  Phil isn’t having it.  “NO NO” Phil backs away, leaving his cock just inches from Dan’s needy mouth.  “Phil!” Dan whines, bucking his hips up into the air, to no avail.  Phil is relentless in teasing Dan as he pleasures himself to the brink.

“Fucking choke on it!” Phil lurches forward when he feels that pull, finally thrusting into Dan’s welcoming mouth.  Dan moans around him, but chokes when he gets a little too eager – which is what Phil wants, and Phil doesn’t stop, because Dan choking pushes Phil over the edge, and his load is delivered with alarming force into Dan’s spasming throat. 

Dan moans again around Phil’s wide girth and feels himself come undone in his tight pants.  He knows Phil won’t care, because he has gotten his revenge … sort of.  Lucky for Dan, and unbeknownst to Phil, he has fantasized about Phil taking him by force.  He just never imagined it would be under such circumstances as these, and now he sort of feels guilty that it took this to coax Phil.

Once they’re done panting and laying limp on their sides, Phil speaks first.  “Fuck.”  Dan silently agrees, praying Phil forgives him.  Phil always forgives him.  That’s why they’re best friends.  “Sorry” Dan finally speaks.  Phil takes a few moments to assess what had just happened, and accepts Dan’s apology.  Ugh.  “Me too.  And just so you know, I’m never eating cereal again.  You can keep your fucking Crunchy NUT.”

Phil’s stomach jumps again, and he decides he’s never eating marshmallows either.  _Thanks, Dan_.


End file.
